Keep That

When I say “Keep That” I don’t mean hoarding or keeping that first bottle cap from the first date you had with what’s his face from 10th grade. I don’t mean keeping that memorabilia from the NKOTB tour.

I’m talking about those mistakes you’ve made, lessons you’ve learned, wrinkles you’ve acquired, the scars from playing football or falling off of your bike.

Ladies, you know that wrinkle right above the two corners of your mouth that shows up when you smile? Or that one breast that’s smaller than the other one? What about the mole on your cheek that you stare at every morning?

Fellas, what about the hair or fur on your back that looks like a sweater? Or that one toe that sticks out further than your big toe and looks strange? How about that one tooth that is sort of pointy compared to the rest of your teeth?

Are you possibly in a wheel chair or disabled? Do you have a lazy eye or a lisp? Who cares? Keep that. It’s what makes you YOU. Who cares what people think? I think if all of us had more confidence the world would be so much better. It’s time for each of us to be satisfied and certain of who we are.

We need to stop doubting our worth. We need to be secure about who we are. News Flash: No one is perfect people. Do you compare yourself to other people? Like for instance, the latest hype is the Kardashian’s for some reason. Yeah, they’re gorgeous, confident, beautiful, sexy and so much more. But, have you noticed, all of them have had work done to themselves to look that way. See where I’m going with this? Yep, they are insecure too. They weren’t happy with themselves so they got botox, lip injections, implants and the list goes on.

Underneath all of us there’s some type of insecurity even in the most beautiful people in the world. Why can’t we just accept ourselves for who we REALLY are? It’s time to let go of our imperfections and take what we want out of life.

What if we all thought of ourselves as epic, not basic? We’ve paid our dues in life so why not stop hesitating and go after what we want. I often think we hold ourselves back because of our faults and think we’re not good enough. I can’t be the only one that thinks this way can I? Yes, you know me as being confident, full of myself, sassy, speaking up for what I believe in, even arrogant at times. Deep down I have my insecurities too.

What are my insecurities? I didn’t go to college. I just graduated high school. At times I let that hold me back because I don’t necessarily feel that I’m intelligent enough to have a conversation with college educated people. But, that doesn’t make me any less of a person either. I’m street smart and I have amazing skills. I make very good money and have a successful career. I’m not toned up, thin, or even in shape. I’m curvy and like to eat. So, at times when I’m at the beach in my bathing suit I feel fluffy. But then I think to myself, I’m fluffy but cute and I’m happy. We have to reel ourselves back in at times and remind ourselves how fabulous we are don’t we? I hope  you do that with yourself. You do, don’t you? Try your best NOT to put yourself down. Bring yourself up with the positives when you start doubting yourself OK?

Whether we were put down growing up by our parents or bullied or if we talk down to ourselves in our minds we can overcome that bullshit. Learn to love yourself.

We all need to own our worth don’t we? We are worthy, all of us. We need to make people remember each of us whether they want to or not. Not everyone has to like us, not everyone has taste do they?

We’re all beautiful in our own ways if you ask me. There’s beauty in everything and everyone if you look around. No one is you, that’s your power and that’s  your beauty.

I have so many favorite songs but this one always speaks to me. It’s so powerful and I think if we would all listen to this from time to time it would help us to realize our worth. If you don’t have it on your spotify, google play list or whatever, add it, you need to hear it. Treasure yourself loves. If you don’t, how can anyone else treasure you?

Whatever you think is wrong with you, It’s OK. Keep That.

 

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Don’t Kill My Vibe

Morning Checklist….

Positive Panties On – Check!

Coffee Cup In Hand – Check!

Lipstick – Check!

Got Swag? – Check!

Feeling Positive – Absolutely!

Negativity? – We have a runner!

You’re not here to be average, you’re here to be awesome! Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. It’s time to evict that negative resident out of your mind and have a new lease drawn up for a paying occupant named positivity. You hear that beeping? That’s the moving truck backing in….Negativity pack your shit and get out. Mind over matter all day, everyday.

Makin’ Or Breakin’ Me

Do you ever have a moment where you feel like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be?

I’m not talking about that client meeting or that doctor’s appointment. I’m referencing that jolt in your brain and heart where you feel banded, packaged, and ready for shipment.

I’ve had a few dropped “packages” or “shipments” gone wrong if you get my drift?

My Dad tried to break me a few times. What I mean by that is he would harshly put me down. Those words stick with you. They make you feel depleted and unworthy. He would get into these rants and I would take those emotional blows over and over again. But the next day he would be sweet and warmhearted. We never knew what each day would bring with him.

I read a quote today, “Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.” When I read this I had that moment of clarity. Sometimes we go through some heartbreaking junctures in life. Because of the misfires in my life it didn’t break me. It made me. I’m a natural born hustler. People tend to follow my direction. When I say hustler I mean “Bitches get shit done.” My work ethic is solid and whatever goals I set for myself, I make it happen. I’m in control of my dreams, aspirations, and anything I want. All of us were born to make an impact. So, go out and get your dreams people! Don’t let anyone break you. Remember, you’re unbreakable just like me.

You Broke Her

This is not my usual style of blogging but thought it needed to be written. There’s a sense of closure once you blog something isn’t there?

I met her in 1987 – We were sophomores in High School. I knew instantly we would be best friends when she walked into class. Her name was Mia.

She was undeniably magical. She wore Liz Claiborne, the original formula and she was the only one I knew that wore it. She had the prettiest most infectious laugh that made you want to be around her. It was almost like a drug. She always wore black and her scarlet red lipstick. She had freckles on her cheeks and a slight copper edgy bob. She drove a maroon 1986 Mustang GT with T-tops.

We hung out everyday at lunch and after school. We had a ton of mutual friends that were an eclectic bunch of mixed athletes, cheerleaders, punk rockers and ROTC kids. We would ride around for hours listening to Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leopard and Night And Day By Al B. Sure and sing at the top of our lungs racing whoever revved up their engine next to us. She knew how to drive to say the least.

After graduation everyone went their separate ways whether it be to college, work, marriage, babies, or whatever. She became an EMT in our hometown and fell in love with a fireman. They soon got married and had two beautiful boys.

We kept in touch via Facebook and whenever I would visit we’d have a girls night out and catch up. A few more years went by and she and her husband called it quits. She had custody of the boys and her ex had them every other weekend.

Mia had a seizure one day while driving to work and was in a car accident. She was diagnosed with epilepsy and lost her job. She moved in with her brother. He was amazing and a helping co-parent with the boys.

This is when her ex husband seized the opportunity to mentally antagonize her. He would constantly tell her she was worthless and had nothing to offer their children or anyone for that matter. He beat her down verbally every chance he got. He would tell her that she was disgusting and asked her one time “Why don’t you just end your life so that we can get on with ours?”

Little did we know that he had said these things to her. Not even her own brother or closest circle knew this. She kept it bottled up until one day she gave up. She had taken all she could from him. She honestly believed she was worthless after he told her over and over again how pathetic she was. He had brain washed her into thinking she was a burden in her mind. She was tired of fighting, begging, and pleading to see her boys.

That day Mia decided to write a note explaining to her loved ones that she had nothing left to offer and how her ex husband brought it to light. She went into detail of the things he had said to her and how painful it had been to hear but how she knew it was true. She said she was sick and her heart was breaking for her boys but she thought they would have a much happier life without her and without the bickering between her and her ex. She wrote each one of them a letter telling them how much she adored them and how she would be watching over them for the rest of their lives.

She took every single one of her medications and by doing so it caused her to have multiple seizures. Her body convulsed so much that it snapped her neck and many of her bones. She died a horrific painful death by the hand of her own and HIS. He broke her into pieces.

Why would anyone EVER put someone down like this? How could someone be so evil? Why didn’t we know? Why didn’t she tell us what she was going through? I often think about these questions and what were the signs that we missed? What IF?

I’m not blogging about this to bring you or anyone down. I’m a very positive, motivating, strong person but I learned a very costly lesson. I wanted to share Mia’s story with you to use this as an example of how we should always be PRESENT in people’s lives that we care about. I also wanted all of you to realize under no circumstances should you EVER allow someone to break you.

You are not weak or worthless. Mia was none of those things. She was an incredible mother, friend, sister, and had so much more to live for. The depression and his evil words broke her down. There was only one of Mia and there is only one of YOU. You have inner strength. You also have people that love you and will be strong for you. Tell them what you’re going through. Let them know you are hurting. They will help build you up. They’ll remind you of what you mean to them and how you’ve inspired them or gotten them through something difficult. We lean on each other.

Don’t you dare hide your pain and suffer alone. Dig deep and fight for yourself. I assure you, you are so worth the fight. Understand that you have so much more inside of you wanting to get out – Let yourself shine. Do not give them the power. We all deserve blissfulness. It might not be happening right this second but it will. Give yourself a chance.

You have wings…spread them and fly! I’m betting on you and I never lose. Pick that beautiful chin up and know you are magnificent. Are you reading this? Are you hearing me? Wake up and look in the mirror and tell yourself “You do not need validation from anyone. You are a fighter and fearless. You have something to offer.”

I hope this helps someone one day. I wish I could’ve said these things to Mia but it’s too late. I didn’t know. I should’ve been there for her and known. I can’t change that. But, I can help motivate and inspire others through my blog.

I loved her and I cherish my memories with her. I’ll never forget her and when I wear scarlet red lipstick she’s with me. She’s smiling and laughing that beautiful laugh of hers. I miss you Mia.

More To Me Than You – No, seriously, there is…

We often wonder in our minds “Are we good enough?” What makes us good enough?

All of us have a story don’t we? When I say a story, I mean something has went wrong, cracked our foundation, or shall I say, someone has wronged us and we feel damaged. The damages often make us resilient don’t you think?

Sometimes we blame ourselves for the damages, mental flaws, failures, etc. We psych  ourselves out and think of ourselves as bruised….not good enough…Oh – but we are.

This post is uncomfortable for me to say the least. I’m having to pull some distasteful memories from my secret locker to share with you.

As a few of you know in my previous posts I’m somewhat a direct, iron-willed, sarcastic “In Yo Face” kinda chic. I’ve not always been this headstrong. I used to suffer from “Daddy Issues”.

I’ll spare you the details but he was a self righteous narcissist. Disappointing me and belittling me seemed to be his full time job. His anger took over him sometimes which made it tough on my little brother, Mom, and myself.

Swallowing the bitter pill daily of dealing with his moods I learned a lot from the experiences with my Dad. I’ve actually learned to forgive him and move on. He’s gotten a bit softer now and isn’t as harsh and selfish as he used to be.

Every now and then calls me after watching a movie or TV show and seeing an actress that reminds him of me. (Mostly Drew Barrymore) I so wish I looked like her. Dad needs to have his eyes checked. He’ll cry to me on the phone telling me about this movie or seeing her and thinking of me and wants to tell me he loves me. I do love him but I don’t need him. In his little mind he thinks he was a good father and that we’re close. He chooses to remember the good times and not the bad ones. I’m fine with that. Whatever gets you to sleep better at night Dad. Live and let live right?

He does not define me and never will he. We have many of the same traits as I’m outgoing, blunt, funny, personable, direct, a workaholic to some extent just like him. To be brutally honest he was just the sperm donor and made this bad ass blue eyed clumsy opinionated chic. It’s a warped relationship I have with him but I’ll take it and continue learning from it.

I’ll leave you with this beautiful song that I’ve always loved. “There’s more to me than you” by Jessica Andrews – Whether you have your own “Daddy Issues”, going through a break up, “Mommy Issues”, the list could go on….There is more to you than that person. This song is inspiring and can get you through some tough times. After hearing it I think it will help you hold your beautiful face up towards the sun and know that you are so worthy of happiness.