Don’t Kill My Vibe

Morning Checklist….

Positive Panties On – Check!

Coffee Cup In Hand – Check!

Lipstick – Check!

Got Swag? – Check!

Feeling Positive – Absolutely!

Negativity? – We have a runner!

You’re not here to be average, you’re here to be awesome! Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. It’s time to evict that negative resident out of your mind and have a new lease drawn up for a paying occupant named positivity. You hear that beeping? That’s the moving truck backing in….Negativity pack your shit and get out. Mind over matter all day, everyday.

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Makin’ Or Breakin’ Me

Do you ever have a moment where you feel like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be?

I’m not talking about that client meeting or that doctor’s appointment. I’m referencing that jolt in your brain and heart where you feel banded, packaged, and ready for shipment.

I’ve had a few dropped “packages” or “shipments” gone wrong if you get my drift?

My Dad tried to break me a few times. What I mean by that is he would harshly put me down. Those words stick with you. They make you feel depleted and unworthy. He would get into these rants and I would take those emotional blows over and over again. But the next day he would be sweet and warmhearted. We never knew what each day would bring with him.

I read a quote today, “Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.” When I read this I had that moment of clarity. Sometimes we go through some heartbreaking junctures in life. Because of the misfires in my life it didn’t break me. It made me. I’m a natural born hustler. People tend to follow my direction. When I say hustler I mean “Bitches get shit done.” My work ethic is solid and whatever goals I set for myself, I make it happen. I’m in control of my dreams, aspirations, and anything I want. All of us were born to make an impact. So, go out and get your dreams people! Don’t let anyone break you. Remember, you’re unbreakable just like me.

Guts And Grit

I remember many years ago kids making fun of me in school. They would play pranks on me and trip me when I walked into class. I wore huge glasses and had a terrible perm and a lot of acne. I was seriously a COLD mess. I’m not even going to call it a hot mess because there wasn’t anything hot about that situation.

I was extremely weak and timid. I would take their shit over and over and do nothing about it. Until, one day I came across one of my friends pinned up against a wall in the gym by four guys. They were making fun of her and knocked her glasses off and then punched her in the stomach. I dropped my books and ran over to them like I was cat woman or something. I started pulling them off of her and kicked one in the throat and another one in the dick. They were dropping like flies and running away from me. I chased them until they ran out of the gym.

As I walked back over to my friend that was sobbing and slumped in the floor…..I asked her if she was OK? She took a few deep breaths as I helped her up. As she stood up, she doubled over laughing hysterically. I said “what’s so funny?” She then said “you’re little skinny timid ass just whipped some serious ass.” At that moment I realized that I had a wonderful and fantastic trait. This trait being BAD ASS! Who knew? Where had it been the entire time that everyone was making fun of ME and putting ME down?

Here’s the thing. I didn’t care how they treated me. I could take it. But, you mess with my people I will f*** you up. I didn’t even know that I had that courage inside of me. From that moment on, no one messed with me, EVER.

Often I would get in fights at school. Bullies loved to see me coming. With my big fluffy lioness mullet, coke bottle glasses and acne for days….I was target number one. I notice it’s a huge issue in today’s society with bullies. Back in the 80’s and 90’s no one seemed to care. There wasn’t an awareness like there is today. You had to fend for yourself.

Each of us have a fire inside of us. You might not realize it yet but you’re a fighter. Whether you fight for yourself or not…..I guarantee if someone were to threaten someone you love…you would easily go Cat Woman on their ass in a split second.

There’s nothing wrong with being a little scrappy when needed. Having a backbone sometimes intimidates others. Too bad. We all should stand our ground.

There’s a feeling of liberation when speaking up for yourself or someone else. Stand up for what’s right.

Guts & Grit All Day! XO

You Broke Her

This is not my usual style of blogging but thought it needed to be written. There’s a sense of closure once you blog something isn’t there?

I met her in 1987 – We were sophomores in High School. I knew instantly we would be best friends when she walked into class. Her name was Mia.

She was undeniably magical. She wore Liz Claiborne, the original formula and she was the only one I knew that wore it. She had the prettiest most infectious laugh that made you want to be around her. It was almost like a drug. She always wore black and her scarlet red lipstick. She had freckles on her cheeks and a slight copper edgy bob. She drove a maroon 1986 Mustang GT with T-tops.

We hung out everyday at lunch and after school. We had a ton of mutual friends that were an eclectic bunch of mixed athletes, cheerleaders, punk rockers and ROTC kids. We would ride around for hours listening to Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leopard and Night And Day By Al B. Sure and sing at the top of our lungs racing whoever revved up their engine next to us. She knew how to drive to say the least.

After graduation everyone went their separate ways whether it be to college, work, marriage, babies, or whatever. She became an EMT in our hometown and fell in love with a fireman. They soon got married and had two beautiful boys.

We kept in touch via Facebook and whenever I would visit we’d have a girls night out and catch up. A few more years went by and she and her husband called it quits. She had custody of the boys and her ex had them every other weekend.

Mia had a seizure one day while driving to work and was in a car accident. She was diagnosed with epilepsy and lost her job. She moved in with her brother. He was amazing and a helping co-parent with the boys.

This is when her ex husband seized the opportunity to mentally antagonize her. He would constantly tell her she was worthless and had nothing to offer their children or anyone for that matter. He beat her down verbally every chance he got. He would tell her that she was disgusting and asked her one time “Why don’t you just end your life so that we can get on with ours?”

Little did we know that he had said these things to her. Not even her own brother or closest circle knew this. She kept it bottled up until one day she gave up. She had taken all she could from him. She honestly believed she was worthless after he told her over and over again how pathetic she was. He had brain washed her into thinking she was a burden in her mind. She was tired of fighting, begging, and pleading to see her boys.

That day Mia decided to write a note explaining to her loved ones that she had nothing left to offer and how her ex husband brought it to light. She went into detail of the things he had said to her and how painful it had been to hear but how she knew it was true. She said she was sick and her heart was breaking for her boys but she thought they would have a much happier life without her and without the bickering between her and her ex. She wrote each one of them a letter telling them how much she adored them and how she would be watching over them for the rest of their lives.

She took every single one of her medications and by doing so it caused her to have multiple seizures. Her body convulsed so much that it snapped her neck and many of her bones. She died a horrific painful death by the hand of her own and HIS. He broke her into pieces.

Why would anyone EVER put someone down like this? How could someone be so evil? Why didn’t we know? Why didn’t she tell us what she was going through? I often think about these questions and what were the signs that we missed? What IF?

I’m not blogging about this to bring you or anyone down. I’m a very positive, motivating, strong person but I learned a very costly lesson. I wanted to share Mia’s story with you to use this as an example of how we should always be PRESENT in people’s lives that we care about. I also wanted all of you to realize under no circumstances should you EVER allow someone to break you.

You are not weak or worthless. Mia was none of those things. She was an incredible mother, friend, sister, and had so much more to live for. The depression and his evil words broke her down. There was only one of Mia and there is only one of YOU. You have inner strength. You also have people that love you and will be strong for you. Tell them what you’re going through. Let them know you are hurting. They will help build you up. They’ll remind you of what you mean to them and how you’ve inspired them or gotten them through something difficult. We lean on each other.

Don’t you dare hide your pain and suffer alone. Dig deep and fight for yourself. I assure you, you are so worth the fight. Understand that you have so much more inside of you wanting to get out – Let yourself shine. Do not give them the power. We all deserve blissfulness. It might not be happening right this second but it will. Give yourself a chance.

You have wings…spread them and fly! I’m betting on you and I never lose. Pick that beautiful chin up and know you are magnificent. Are you reading this? Are you hearing me? Wake up and look in the mirror and tell yourself “You do not need validation from anyone. You are a fighter and fearless. You have something to offer.”

I hope this helps someone one day. I wish I could’ve said these things to Mia but it’s too late. I didn’t know. I should’ve been there for her and known. I can’t change that. But, I can help motivate and inspire others through my blog.

I loved her and I cherish my memories with her. I’ll never forget her and when I wear scarlet red lipstick she’s with me. She’s smiling and laughing that beautiful laugh of hers. I miss you Mia.

Choose You

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All of us have been in a relationship and have taken a loss. Whether it’s you letting someone go or you being let go.

It took me cutting the cord to a past relationship to find myself. Being consumed with fixing someone or trying to persuade them into loving us is exhausting.

Although we might love them and they’re in love with us….it just might not be enough.

If the person you’re in the relationship with doesn’t build you up or encourage you to grow then you’re not with the right person.

I assure you that you deserve more. We’re all worthy of our soulmates and deserve unconditional love.

A break up is a learning experience. Always choose YOU. Accept your flaws, glitches, quirks and fall deeply in love with yourself.

The second you believe in yourself and know your value the right person will find you.

You’re awesome so start believing it already!

Dig Your Way Out

Evaluate

At times I find myself surrounded by a toxic wasteland of bodies. I’m thinking some of you do too.

We have to evaluate the circumstances. There are family members, co-workers, friends and so on that are part of our circle.

Cancel the subscription to the unnecessary bullshit. It’s really a burial ground.

Do not allow these destructive people to pull you into circling the drain with them. It’s mind over matter all day, every day.

Take a knife and cut the cord already. Make the change and flip the switch. Come at them with positive responses. Compliment them on something you find significant about them. There’s something good in everyone. Sometimes you have to use a magnifying glass but it’s there.

Resist the wreckage. Clear out the debris. Don’t allow these people to suck the happiness out of your soul. Put light into their dark tunnel.

Digging your way out will be gratifying. You might also be influential to these toxic people. Positivity spreads like a wildfire. Shouldn’t we all bring value to each other?

This game of life can be hard on us…. “A great spirit rises from the ashes.”