Mullet Monday


Empty Cup Of Care

Today one of our salesmen approached me “Are you in a bad mood today?”  I responded “No, why?” He then proceeds to tell me that some of my co-workers are afraid to approach me at times as I give off this vibe that I’m pissed off about something.

Sure, sometimes I purposely give off that vibe to some because they’re lazy, stupid and annoying so I figure if I have my eyebrows clinched and point at my headset “pretending” to be on the phone when they’re trying to talk to me they’ll walk away. It’s not the first time I’ve heard some are afraid of me……I can respect that since I do have RMS (Restless Mouth Syndrome). Whatever comes up comes out. Again, no filtration sometimes, well, most of the time.

Of course, he wanted a favor, for me to fix something he had royally fucked up. He used his charm with “I know you can fix anything Lennon. You’re the master manipulator of our system.”

Hmmm, normally flattery gets people everywhere with me but this guy is always dicking around watching you tube videos or looking at porn and meanwhile fucking things up. He’s always nice to me and I usually cave and help him out.  I’ve shown him how NOT to cause the problem but he’s a little dense I suppose. So, I told him I would get to it some time today as I was pretty slammed when he approached me this morning.

Problem is, while I was covered up all day quoting, selling, handling returns, inventory, training the new guy, helping other departments to fix things in the system as well, that lazy askhole was entertaining everyone by making jokes about Trump, Hilary, “The Wall” and of course threw in a few blonde jokes. Listen, I love a good blonde joke, I honestly do. But when he’s asking me to fix his shit storm while fucking around and I’m the only one that can fix it and I’m BLONDE…come on dude, it chapped my ass a little. As they say, there’s a time and a place for things like that. Asking the blonde to help you out while telling a blonde joke and slacking off while you should be working is not too clever.

At that point I decided I was tired of him using me to fix his issues and obviously he didn’t listen to me the last time he did this so it was time for him to learn a lesson. Around 4:00 today I walked my sarcastic ass up front to his cubicle where he was sprawled out with his hands behind his head talking smack to the other salesmen. This special order he wanted me to fix was due to his boss by 4:15. I approach “They’ve performed an update in the system so it won’t allow me to manipulate the order this time Frank. You’re going to have to be a big boy and figure it out yourself or get with the controller to help you.” He and the Controller despise each other. He starts stuttering “Bu-bu-but you said you would get to it today. You’ve always hooked me up before. Can’t you go to the controller and get him to fix it for you, he likes you.”

“Man the fuck up Frank. You’ve been fucking around all day telling lame ass jokes and personally I’m sick of hearing your whiny bitch voice. You’re just sucking up air and wi-fi and everyone knows you’re not selling shit. You have the right to be lazy and worthless but you’re abusing it at this point. It’s time for you to kiss the controllers ass and make nice to get what you want or you can try to fix it yourself. Ooops, you don’t know how to fix it do you? Because you have more important shit to do like tell jokes and look stupid. Either way good luck with that shit.”  I  sauntered off as I heard the other salesmen gasp and turn their chairs back around to their computers avoiding the look on his face.

That’s what you get Frank. That’s what you get….LOSER.



Theatrical Pity

There are many things that annoy me but the #1 annoyance is the whole “Pity Me” theatrical.

People that are so self-absorbed and whimper about the slightest little thing provoke my dark sarcastic split personality.

For instance, someone I work with is constantly whining about her neck, step daughter’s doctor’s appointments, the rain, the ugly colored flowers in front of our office, the grass not being green enough?

Another example is of another co-worker that gets in a fowl mood of “feel sorry for me” because I hate my job and then talks “baby talk” all day long. I can barely understand what she’s saying. All I hear coming out of her mouth is “Goo Goo Gah Gah”.

It’s almost as if these people are unstable or something. When I come into work I don’t bring in any drama from my personal life, that is IF I have any. I’m pretty much a drama free chic. I can’t stand that shit obviously.

I just don’t understand why people don’t make a change if they’re so miserable with their circumstances. Either change your attitude or handle your shit. Or better yet be grateful for what is going right in your life. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. Why always look at the negative in your life and bitch and moan about it to everyone else?

Pull yourself up and brush that dirt off your shoulders and stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not attractive and you’re killin everyone else’s vibes. Don’t be a fucking downer.

Ok, now that I’ve turned into one of these people by blogging about it and being a whiny little bitch, I’ll end my rant.

Now, let’s be fierce and fabulous and get shit done! 🙂

Well Behaved…..Yawn, Stretch, Zzzzzz

How many times have we all heard “Oh Behave”? I’m not talking about the funny Austin Powers shit. I’m talking about your parents telling you this at a wedding or your supervisor at work mentioning it to you. Boring……who the hell wants to behave?

As badly as some of us would like to behave to please our parents, co-workers, supervisors it’s just not in our best interest.

Are you unusual? Quirky? A bit bizarre? I know I am to some people and it freaks them out a lot. Sure, I’m a woman. I wear lipstick, jewelry, and smell nice. But, I’m twisted and freakishly insensitive to others around me.

Filter you say? What the fuck is that? Put a muzzle on it? Try it, you’ll get a throat punch quicker than you can say HELP.

Of course I can turn off my bad ass four-letter words at work to some degree. I would never use profanity speaking with a client. But, there has to be some release and that is my vent sessions with co-workers or with friends or better yet here on my blog.

In the south, the majority of society down here still thinks women shouldn’t be so blunt or speak their mind. We should be more ladylike and serve sweet tea with pie. Well, it’s 2015 fuckers and it’s a whole new world out here. Censoring strong opinionated women is absurd.

It feels good to make noise and be a woman. We’ve got balls. Ours are just on our chest. We need to stand out and be heard. We have something to say. Be crazy about yourself and daring. Never let life break you. Be you and rebel as often as you can get away with.

Because behaving is just too fucking tedious.


Twisted Little Jingle You Might Fancy

Morning Loves….

This is one of my favorites. When you’re having one of those insignificant shitty days and nothing seems to be going right, this song always puts a smile on my face.

It’s especially beneficial if someone has royally pissed you off. Fuck You never sounded more beautiful before hearing Lilly Allen sing it. What a fucking fabulous song! You can just wonder the halls at work humming along to it with your beautiful smirk at life.

Guarantee you’ll get a kick out of it – Enjoy!