Keep That

When I say “Keep That” I don’t mean hoarding or keeping that first bottle cap from the first date you had with what’s his face from 10th grade. I don’t mean keeping that memorabilia from the NKOTB tour.

I’m talking about those mistakes you’ve made, lessons you’ve learned, wrinkles you’ve acquired, the scars from playing football or falling off of your bike.

Ladies, you know that wrinkle right above the two corners of your mouth that shows up when you smile? Or that one breast that’s smaller than the other one? What about the mole on your cheek that you stare at every morning?

Fellas, what about the hair or fur on your back that looks like a sweater? Or that one toe that sticks out further than your big toe and looks strange? How about that one tooth that is sort of pointy compared to the rest of your teeth?

Are you possibly in a wheel chair or disabled? Do you have a lazy eye or a lisp? Who cares? Keep that. It’s what makes you YOU. Who cares what people think? I think if all of us had more confidence the world would be so much better. It’s time for each of us to be satisfied and certain of who we are.

We need to stop doubting our worth. We need to be secure about who we are. News Flash: No one is perfect people. Do you compare yourself to other people? Like for instance, the latest hype is the Kardashian’s for some reason. Yeah, they’re gorgeous, confident, beautiful, sexy and so much more. But, have you noticed, all of them have had work done to themselves to look that way. See where I’m going with this? Yep, they are insecure too. They weren’t happy with themselves so they got botox, lip injections, implants and the list goes on.

Underneath all of us there’s some type of insecurity even in the most beautiful people in the world. Why can’t we just accept ourselves for who we REALLY are? It’s time to let go of our imperfections and take what we want out of life.

What if we all thought of ourselves as epic, not basic? We’ve paid our dues in life so why not stop hesitating and go after what we want. I often think we hold ourselves back because of our faults and think we’re not good enough. I can’t be the only one that thinks this way can I? Yes, you know me as being confident, full of myself, sassy, speaking up for what I believe in, even arrogant at times. Deep down I have my insecurities too.

What are my insecurities? I didn’t go to college. I just graduated high school. At times I let that hold me back because I don’t necessarily feel that I’m intelligent enough to have a conversation with college educated people. But, that doesn’t make me any less of a person either. I’m street smart and I have amazing skills. I make very good money and have a successful career. I’m not toned up, thin, or even in shape. I’m curvy and like to eat. So, at times when I’m at the beach in my bathing suit I feel fluffy. But then I think to myself, I’m fluffy but cute and I’m happy. We have to reel ourselves back in at times and remind ourselves how fabulous we are don’t we? I hope  you do that with yourself. You do, don’t you? Try your best not to put yourself down. Bring yourself up with the positives when you start doubting yourself OK?

Whether we were put down growing up by our parents or bullied or if we talk down to ourselves in our minds we can overcome that bullshit. Learn to love yourself.

We all need to own our worth don’t we? We are worthy, all of us. We need to make people remember each of us whether they want to or not. Not everyone has to like us, not everyone has taste do they?

We’re all beautiful in our own ways if you ask me. There’s beauty in everything and everyone if you look around. No one is you, that’s your power and that’s  your beauty.

I have so many favorite songs but this one always speaks to me. It’s so powerful and I think if we would all listen to this from time to time it would help us to realize our worth. If you don’t have it on your spotify, google play list or whatever, add it, you need to hear it. Treasure yourself loves. If you don’t, how can anyone else treasure you?

Whatever you think is wrong with you, It’s OK. Keep That.

 

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Colorblind

Yes, I’m caucasian. But, I’ve always been colorblind when it comes to racism. I don’t see color. I have tons of friends that are not caucasian. Some are latino, African-American, Asian, Pakistanian, etc. If they needed a kidney and I was a match I’d give it gladly to save their life. Racism gets me every single time. I can’t stand it. This blog won’t be necessarily what you’re assuming it to be.

I’ve experienced racism first hand personally. When I first moved to Atlanta I got a job at a finance company. There were eleven employees at my branch. I was the only caucasian person working in this branch. I could hear my co-workers making racial comments like “she thinks she’s all that because she’s blonde, blue eyed and white. I should beat her white ass after work.” “Who the fuck does she think she is coming in here. I guess we had to hire her for HR purposes so we have a whitey among us to show diversity.” No one wanted to be my friend, they ignored me, wouldn’t help train me, made my life a living hell. They would play tricks on me and leave hateful notes, etc. I found another job quickly.

Another time, I went out with a group of guys one night to a bar. This was in Tennessee. There were three Pakistanian’s and two African-American guys in our group. We sat on the bar stools at the bar, ordered our food and drinks and two white ignorant redneck guys started making racial slurs towards my group. Saying things like “I guess she’s the vanilla in the oreo.” “She’s going to get gang banged later.” As one of my friends spoke up and said  “I can handle you spewing racial shit to me and my boys but don’t disrespect her, she’s a lady and I’m gonna need you to shut your mouth.” The redneck assholes started getting up and shoving at my group trying to start a fight. I stood up at this point and said “You ignorant racist douche bags need to sit the hell down or leave, my Dad’s a cop and he’ll be here in 10 minutes.” Of course, My Dad was no cop, nor did he even live in the state of TN. But, they paid their bill and got the hell out.

This whole #oscarssowhite issue that’s plastered all over the the media has me thinking. First of all, I’m tired, sooooo damn tired of races being singled out. For instance, White people don’t have a WET (White Entertainment Television), there’s not a White History Month. There’s also not a Miss White USA either. I do see there’s a Miss Latina pageant now as well. Why can’t Miss Universe be enough? Shit, I don’t watch pageants anyways. It brings back terrible memories of when I participated in them. It felt like we were being paraded around like cattle being gawked at. It felt intimidating and so judgmental and talk about cat fights. So happy those days are over for me. Sorry, I got off of the subject at matter.

I watch BET faithfully. I’m a huge fan of rap, hip hop, and R & B. I can pop & lock, robot, moon walk and shit. I love it.

I don’t think racism is really a factor in the Oscars. They’ve nominated many different races in the past and they’ve won before. Examples: Halle Berry, Denzel Washington, and Cuba Gooding, Jr. All so deserving! Granted, in my opinion I think Michael B. Jordan should’ve been nominated for Creed as well as O’Shea Jackson, Jr. and Jason Mitchell for Straight Outta Compton. It’s a damn shame they weren’t nominated. I don’t think it’s a race issue though. Am I ignorant or naive? Possibly.

I was ashamed of Trump stating “The whites don’t get nominations for BET awards.” He should’ve googled it before making that statement. Hello? Eminem, Robin Thicke, Justin Timberlake, Sam Smith, and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis were all nominated. Eminem and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis all won and accepted BET awards.

It’s been two years since an African-American has been nominated for an Oscar. Is it a racial thing? I think not. Chris Rock is hosting this years Oscars, he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it. It will be interesting to see what he comes up with on the subject. I’ll be watching.

I just can’t understand why we can’t all accept diversity, appreciate each other and not single a race out? We’re all human and we’re all beautifully made. So fucking tired of the racism topic and here I am blogging about it. Just my thoughts and opinions, I love everybody whether you’re black, brown, purple, yellow, orange, green, republican, democrat, muslim, baptist, catholic, or whatever you are….until you prove to me you’re not worthy with your actions. Just sayin……

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glorious Mess

A Mess

How often are we comparing ourselves to other people? Why do we feel that we have to keep up with them? Can we not appreciate the glorious mess that we are? It’s more than OK to make mistakes, hit a speed bump, have an imperfection or some type of defect.

Every New Year people come up with the resolutions to improve themselves. What if we’re already improved and happy? Let’s just take in this moment and say to ourselves, I’m right where I need to be at this very second. I’m content with my life and everything in it. I have ENOUGH. Most important, we love ourselves just the way we are.

Can each of us say that about ourselves today? Can we be satisfied right this minute in our lives? Let’s try it out?

We don’t have to have everything everyone else has and nor do we have to look like everyone else. Why be perfect??? I like my freckles, curves, and that sometimes I can’t afford something. It makes me appreciate what I DO have. My quirks, clumsiness, and cheeky mannerisms complete me – It sets me apart from all of the rest.

What sets you apart is glorious loves. Embrace it and acknowledge it. Be proud of who you are. Your glorious messes are what makes you fabulous if you ask me.

XO

 

 

Wide Open

prison

I absolutely love this quote!

I appreciate traditional, normal, and general types of characteristics. But, those characteristics of abnormal, unconventional, and rare are a magnet to my steel.

There’s something quite gripping about diversity, wouldn’t you say? I think people that are authentic and resistant are the most captivating ones.

Honestly, we’re all authentic. There’s no replica of you or me is there? We’re originals.

Sigh, resistant….unyielding…no brakes….That my loves is a beautiful thing. Keep going and keep writing and shining here. Don’t hold back on anything. The door is wide open. You’re not in prison here. Let it all out. There’s a freedom about writing your thoughts and sharing a piece of yourself. Let your authenticity flow.

Now be proud of your originality and wave it around magnificently loves.

Happy Wednesday – XO

 

 

 

Defy The Normal

Why be a grey crayon when you can be a blue, red, green, yellow, purple, pink, etc? Why not be colorful instead of normal?

We all have our imperfections, flaws, glitches, and each of us are unfinished.

I’ve discovered so many new things with blogging. Each time someone likes one of my blogs or starts following me I immediately stop on over to their blog and it’s like Christmas morning.

I feel like I’m opening a precious gift and finding something so extraordinary. When I open up my gift my eyes light up and I want to say “Is this for me? All for me?”

Embrace all of the things that you were warned about in life. Deviate from the normal path you’re used to traveling and hurl yourself into the unknown.

Seize the opportunity to color outside of the lines. Dive into the abyss for once. Abandon all views of normalcy, please!

An open mind is an exquisite thing. Diversity is my addiction. Why always stick with the same chocolate you’ve always loved to eat when you can have an assortment of different flavors?

Accepting people that are the reversal of yourself is a liberating thing. Do not isolate yourself from the unique just because you are not familiar with it.

It really is an honor for someone to let you into their world and to get to know them. Do not judge them or ever criticize them for their lifestyle. We are all imperfect and no one is above the other. We’re all equal.

Open your heart to love the uniqueness of one another. No matter what your race is, whether you’re straight, homosexual, transgender, republican, a democrat, catholic, baptist, or whatever….we all have something in common which is LOVE.

Humanity is tenderness, kindness and goodwill. Let’s apply this in our everyday hustle shall we? We could all use some tenderness, kindness and goodwill couldn’t we?

XO

Guts And Grit

I remember many years ago kids making fun of me in school. They would play pranks on me and trip me when I walked into class. I wore huge glasses and had a terrible perm and a lot of acne. I was seriously a COLD mess. I’m not even going to call it a hot mess because there wasn’t anything hot about that situation.

I was extremely weak and timid. I would take their shit over and over and do nothing about it. Until, one day I came across one of my friends pinned up against a wall in the gym by four guys. They were making fun of her and knocked her glasses off and then punched her in the stomach. I dropped my books and ran over to them like I was cat woman or something. I started pulling them off of her and kicked one in the throat and another one in the dick. They were dropping like flies and running away from me. I chased them until they ran out of the gym.

As I walked back over to my friend that was sobbing and slumped in the floor…..I asked her if she was OK? She took a few deep breaths as I helped her up. As she stood up, she doubled over laughing hysterically. I said “what’s so funny?” She then said “you’re little skinny timid ass just whipped some serious ass.” At that moment I realized that I had a wonderful and fantastic trait. This trait being BAD ASS! Who knew? Where had it been the entire time that everyone was making fun of ME and putting ME down?

Here’s the thing. I didn’t care how they treated me. I could take it. But, you mess with my people I will f*** you up. I didn’t even know that I had that courage inside of me. From that moment on, no one messed with me, EVER.

Often I would get in fights at school. Bullies loved to see me coming. With my big fluffy lioness mullet, coke bottle glasses and acne for days….I was target number one. I notice it’s a huge issue in today’s society with bullies. Back in the 80’s and 90’s no one seemed to care. There wasn’t an awareness like there is today. You had to fend for yourself.

Each of us have a fire inside of us. You might not realize it yet but you’re a fighter. Whether you fight for yourself or not…..I guarantee if someone were to threaten someone you love…you would easily go Cat Woman on their ass in a split second.

There’s nothing wrong with being a little scrappy when needed. Having a backbone sometimes intimidates others. Too bad. We all should stand our ground.

There’s a feeling of liberation when speaking up for yourself or someone else. Stand up for what’s right.

Guts & Grit All Day! XO

You Broke Her

This is not my usual style of blogging but thought it needed to be written. There’s a sense of closure once you blog something isn’t there?

I met her in 1987 – We were sophomores in High School. I knew instantly we would be best friends when she walked into class. Her name was Mia.

She was undeniably magical. She wore Liz Claiborne, the original formula and she was the only one I knew that wore it. She had the prettiest most infectious laugh that made you want to be around her. It was almost like a drug. She always wore black and her scarlet red lipstick. She had freckles on her cheeks and a slight copper edgy bob. She drove a maroon 1986 Mustang GT with T-tops.

We hung out everyday at lunch and after school. We had a ton of mutual friends that were an eclectic bunch of mixed athletes, cheerleaders, punk rockers and ROTC kids. We would ride around for hours listening to Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leopard and Night And Day By Al B. Sure and sing at the top of our lungs racing whoever revved up their engine next to us. She knew how to drive to say the least.

After graduation everyone went their separate ways whether it be to college, work, marriage, babies, or whatever. She became an EMT in our hometown and fell in love with a fireman. They soon got married and had two beautiful boys.

We kept in touch via Facebook and whenever I would visit we’d have a girls night out and catch up. A few more years went by and she and her husband called it quits. She had custody of the boys and her ex had them every other weekend.

Mia had a seizure one day while driving to work and was in a car accident. She was diagnosed with epilepsy and lost her job. She moved in with her brother. He was amazing and a helping co-parent with the boys.

This is when her ex husband seized the opportunity to mentally antagonize her. He would constantly tell her she was worthless and had nothing to offer their children or anyone for that matter. He beat her down verbally every chance he got. He would tell her that she was disgusting and asked her one time “Why don’t you just end your life so that we can get on with ours?”

Little did we know that he had said these things to her. Not even her own brother or closest circle knew this. She kept it bottled up until one day she gave up. She had taken all she could from him. She honestly believed she was worthless after he told her over and over again how pathetic she was. He had brain washed her into thinking she was a burden in her mind. She was tired of fighting, begging, and pleading to see her boys.

That day Mia decided to write a note explaining to her loved ones that she had nothing left to offer and how her ex husband brought it to light. She went into detail of the things he had said to her and how painful it had been to hear but how she knew it was true. She said she was sick and her heart was breaking for her boys but she thought they would have a much happier life without her and without the bickering between her and her ex. She wrote each one of them a letter telling them how much she adored them and how she would be watching over them for the rest of their lives.

She took every single one of her medications and by doing so it caused her to have multiple seizures. Her body convulsed so much that it snapped her neck and many of her bones. She died a horrific painful death by the hand of her own and HIS. He broke her into pieces.

Why would anyone EVER put someone down like this? How could someone be so evil? Why didn’t we know? Why didn’t she tell us what she was going through? I often think about these questions and what were the signs that we missed? What IF?

I’m not blogging about this to bring you or anyone down. I’m a very positive, motivating, strong person but I learned a very costly lesson. I wanted to share Mia’s story with you to use this as an example of how we should always be PRESENT in people’s lives that we care about. I also wanted all of you to realize under no circumstances should you EVER allow someone to break you.

You are not weak or worthless. Mia was none of those things. She was an incredible mother, friend, sister, and had so much more to live for. The depression and his evil words broke her down. There was only one of Mia and there is only one of YOU. You have inner strength. You also have people that love you and will be strong for you. Tell them what you’re going through. Let them know you are hurting. They will help build you up. They’ll remind you of what you mean to them and how you’ve inspired them or gotten them through something difficult. We lean on each other.

Don’t you dare hide your pain and suffer alone. Dig deep and fight for yourself. I assure you, you are so worth the fight. Understand that you have so much more inside of you wanting to get out – Let yourself shine. Do not give them the power. We all deserve blissfulness. It might not be happening right this second but it will. Give yourself a chance.

You have wings…spread them and fly! I’m betting on you and I never lose. Pick that beautiful chin up and know you are magnificent. Are you reading this? Are you hearing me? Wake up and look in the mirror and tell yourself “You do not need validation from anyone. You are a fighter and fearless. You have something to offer.”

I hope this helps someone one day. I wish I could’ve said these things to Mia but it’s too late. I didn’t know. I should’ve been there for her and known. I can’t change that. But, I can help motivate and inspire others through my blog.

I loved her and I cherish my memories with her. I’ll never forget her and when I wear scarlet red lipstick she’s with me. She’s smiling and laughing that beautiful laugh of hers. I miss you Mia.

Choose You

image

All of us have been in a relationship and have taken a loss. Whether it’s you letting someone go or you being let go.

It took me cutting the cord to a past relationship to find myself. Being consumed with fixing someone or trying to persuade them into loving us is exhausting.

Although we might love them and they’re in love with us….it just might not be enough.

If the person you’re in the relationship with doesn’t build you up or encourage you to grow then you’re not with the right person.

I assure you that you deserve more. We’re all worthy of our soulmates and deserve unconditional love.

A break up is a learning experience. Always choose YOU. Accept your flaws, glitches, quirks and fall deeply in love with yourself.

The second you believe in yourself and know your value the right person will find you.

You’re awesome so start believing it already!

Dig Your Way Out

Evaluate

At times I find myself surrounded by a toxic wasteland of bodies. I’m thinking some of you do too.

We have to evaluate the circumstances. There are family members, co-workers, friends and so on that are part of our circle.

Cancel the subscription to the unnecessary bullshit. It’s really a burial ground.

Do not allow these destructive people to pull you into circling the drain with them. It’s mind over matter all day, every day.

Take a knife and cut the cord already. Make the change and flip the switch. Come at them with positive responses. Compliment them on something you find significant about them. There’s something good in everyone. Sometimes you have to use a magnifying glass but it’s there.

Resist the wreckage. Clear out the debris. Don’t allow these people to suck the happiness out of your soul. Put light into their dark tunnel.

Digging your way out will be gratifying. You might also be influential to these toxic people. Positivity spreads like a wildfire. Shouldn’t we all bring value to each other?

This game of life can be hard on us…. “A great spirit rises from the ashes.”