Catching Up

Hey Loves,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted about what’s going on in my little world so thought it was overdue. Not that any of you are that interested in my daily situations but this is my journal of sorts as well so it’s good to write out your feelings right?

Let’s see….we went to a Billy Joel concert last weekend and he was incredible. He played all of his hits like Uptown Girl, Allentown, She’s Got A Way, Just The Way You Are, Movin’ Out, My Life, Pressure, It’s Still Rockin’ Roll To Me, Piano Man, NY State Of Mind and so much more. Because he was playing at the Braves Stadium here in Atlanta he also played a few songs by Georgia artists like “I Feel Good” by James Brown, Midnight Train To Georgia by Gladys & The Pips”. He brought out one of his roadies and the roadie sang Highway To Hell by ACDC while Billy Joel played guitar. It was fantastic. A young lady sitting next to me had a lot to drink so she puked all over the person in front of her and some of it landed on my feet as well. Ick. I didn’t let it ruin my fun though, I kept dancing and singing along. Of course after I cleaned off my shoes. Ha.

I finally made an appointment with a shrink about my anger issues at work and how I am out of control with my RMS. (Restless Mouth Syndrome) – For those of you that aren’t familiar with my made up diagnosis that’s when you get so angry that shit flies out of your mouth. That’s one of my symptoms, the others are my heart racing and feeling it’s about to jump out of my chest, breaking out in hives, turning very red when I’m angry and breathing rapidly and ready to throat punch someone.

When I went into the appointment he asked the basic questions why am I there and I explained and gave examples of situations where I had lost control (no, I didn’t hit anyone) but I did ask a guy if his balls were the size of a tic tack and that he needed to grow some. Then he asked if I was suicidal or homicidal and I said no, not at all. He then told me that I should go home and watch some youtube videos of how Obama handled confrontation in press conferences and such. He also recommended a book as well. I asked how is that going to help with my heart pounding so fast and my hives etc? He said I would work that out if I watch Obama and read the book.

Needless to say, that was a waste of time. Sure, I voted for Obama and I think he speaks very well other than the Um’s he would consistently say in between his speeches but he is a class act and knew how to handle himself. But, I need a happy pill or a calming pill. I truly think I have anxiety and need something. I do for the most part TRY very hard to remain calm and to hold things in but as they say the struggle is very real.

Friday afternoon, I had an appointment with my primary care doctor to see if he could prescribe something or advise me on what to do. Before I left for the Dr. appointment there was an incident at work where the owner screamed at another manager in front of several people. He yelled “You need to learn how to fucking communicate. Send someone now and learn to do your fucking job!” There are five of us in an open room with desks and there were a few others in there at the counters and I was actually on the phone with a client while this was going on. The owner stormed out of the room papers flying everywhere as he waved his arms like a fucking bird mumbling under his breath. It took everything in me not to follow him and confront him but I need my job desperately as I have bills to pay. How dare him speak to anyone like that? No one deserves to be spoken to in that manner and in front of her staff. She ran outside humiliated crying. I went after her and told her to just take a deep breath and that he was wrong to treat her that way.

By the time I got to my Dr.’s appointment I was red with hives and my heart was racing. My BP was higher than it’s ever been. I’ve never had high BP ever. The Dr. prescribed a generic version of cymbalta which is called duloxetine. Let’s hope it helps. I took it yesterday morning and this morning. Side effects so far are cold all the time, loss of appetite, extremely tired. That’s about it. I can handle those, not bad at all. Let’s just hope I don’t lose it on Monday when the owner acts like nothing ever happened and tries to act like we’re all friends again.

I hope all of you have a fantastic Sunday and thanks for stopping by. 🙂

 

 

 

Advertisements

22 comments

  1. milfordstreet · 18 Days Ago

    Just a thought but is work the only place where this happens? It sounds really stressful and maybe that is the reason for your RMS. It sounds like you have a difficult time of it. Sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · 18 Days Ago

      Only at work. I’ve been looking for another job now for about a year. Can’t find anything that pays this good. I think the owner knows that too. He thinks we’ll stay and put up with it because he pays us well. Sigh…..I’ve just got to hang in there until I find something else. I feel like I sound ungrateful as there are people without jobs. 😕

      Liked by 2 people

      • milfordstreet · 18 Days Ago

        I think you’re having a normal reaction to a fucked up situation at work. I know the struggles you’re going through with a job that pays the bills but is not good for your mental health. And I felt the same way regarding a sense of ungratefulness. Keep looking for a job, I hope the medication helps, maybe see someone who has more insight than recommending Obama videos and hang in there.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lennon Carlyle · 17 Days Ago

        Thank you so much friend!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. sonofabeach96 · 18 Days Ago

    True, lots don’t have jobs. But, it’s tough working in a toxic environment. Hope the meds help, and that you’re able to find a new gig….and cuss the asshat on the way out the door! 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Woebegone but Hopeful · 18 Days Ago

    Hey there Lennon.
    Firstly big round of admiration for you being so straight up with what you’re going through. Anger and rage can go either way, either exploding or drawing deep in like a collapsing start sucking in everything around including light. Some folk aren’t aware they are doing it or quick to shift the blame. Knowing you are doing it and trying to manage that is a sign of courage and maturity. The whole business is a long hard road, being willing to walk down its stony, pot-holed path is Good.
    Now turning our attention the professional who told you to read and book and watch YouTube?…..Sigh. Personally I was never one for reading advice books, about two chapters through I’m snorting or muttering something along the lines of ‘Says you!” but that’s me being cantankerous. As for watching a president of the USA? Nah, that don’t scan. There is a world of difference between the type of person who wanted and got to be president dealing with ‘pres’ things and the ordinary person dealing with ordinary things without the recourse to authority and influence that a ‘pres’ has. The ordinary person faces the world without those backups and is obliged to find their own way or ways, these come in all sorts of shapes and sizes (alcohol and ‘recreational’ drugs having a crappy record); sometimes the whole situation comes down to taking one hour at a time and working in little harmless treats into your life as something to look forward to, both reducing the fear, flight or fight factors. It’s a shame you have a boss who can’t manage what they’ve taken on; they wanted to be an Owner, well act like an Owner and don’t run about like the head is on fire. I have no respect for someone who feels screaming is the way to manage.
    The medication sounds like it’s having its first few days settling down, but take care and if you feel all is not as it should be raise flags to your doctor.
    So here I am wishing you all the very best Lennon, you have a big generous heart and you are valuable to the WP community; walk slow; walk careful and keep faith in yourself. (We’re here with you)
    All goodness to you.
    Roger

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · 18 Days Ago

      Roger, I have no words….you are the kindest person. Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it so much 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Woebegone but Hopeful · 18 Days Ago

        Hi Lennon
        Been down there, and beyond. Live on its borderlines. It’s a rotten deal to be dealt but I have faith in you.
        Keep on keeping on 🙂

        Like

  4. John Fioravanti · 18 Days Ago

    I’m so sorry you work in a horrible environment like that, Lennon. The unpleasant incident at the concert is telling about the kind of person you are outside of work. I completely understand about hanging in there because of the great pay, but your long-term health is really the top priority. I hope you find another job with a pay level you can live with soon! Prayers coming your way!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · 18 Days Ago

      Thank you John. I know it could be so much worse. I could be without a job. I’m thankful that I have one. I really appreciate the prayers and your comments 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. what sandra thinks · 18 Days Ago

    I am really REALLY proud of you for talking to the (idiot) shrink (even though his suggestions were useless) and to your doc. You know I understand what you are going through. I have ‘episodes’ of extreme emotion. Anyway, I do understand and if you ever want to talk about it, you know I’m here. I understand about the job — keeping it for the money… especially given my current situation. But… I worry about you… but I am glad at least it doesn’t happen outside of work. BTW, loss of appetite is my favorite side effect. (Sorry, I think that might be an inappropriate comment…)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · 18 Days Ago

      Awe, I love you girl! You’re the best! Thank you Darlin! Yes, I’m a bit excited about the loss of appetite but then again I’m freaking out over it, why don’t I want to eat??? I had to make myself eat something for breakfast and lunch. But Hey, I need to lose weight for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

      • what sandra thinks · 18 Days Ago

        Don’t freak out! Believe me… I have a LOT of experience with this kind of thing. It might not last… but even if it does, it’s not a bad thing unless it adversely affects your health. And no need to thank me! It goes both ways… 🙂❤

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Just Joan · 18 Days Ago

    Lennon, I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. Suppressing your angry inner self is exhausting, stressful work. After doing it for a long time, the stress twists itself from mental into physical symptoms. You don’t need Cymbalta. You need to have it out with your boss and if it costs you your job, so be it. Is the money really worth it? A friend of mine had a debilitating stroke from the stress of working for an asshole. We all told her to jump ship but she insisted she “loved the job” and needed the money. She cannot do the job anymore, she had to resign. She limps, cannot walk her own dog, cannot remember the order of her workout routine or how to balance her checkbook. She recently got clearance to drive again but often cannot find her way home without a GPS. Please, please, please Lennon, pay attention to your body and what it is trying to tell you, before it’s too late. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · 18 Days Ago

      Awe, I’m so deeply sorry about your friend. Thank you for telling me about her. You’re so correct Joan. I need to make a change very soon. The boss isn’t like this all of the time. Most days he’s super nice but Friday was just horrible. Thank you again friend for caring!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. John W. Howell · 18 Days Ago

    It might help to start detailing the work issues in writing and then let them go. Writing down frustrations does help. Plus it would make for a fun blog. (For your readers anyway)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. K E Garland · 17 Days Ago

    I would hate to see you on the news for choking the sh*t out of somebody luv! In my unexpert opinion: Read The Four Agreements, exercise, and eliminate much of the sugar from your diet. You’ll feel better and won’t wanna cuss people out all the time.

    What kind of quack prescribes Obama videos???

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · 17 Days Ago

      Look I love Barrack and respect him tremendously but seriously? I agree with you….gotta get that Four Agreements. Cut out Sugar? Are you crazyyyyy? I’m not ready for sll that now 😂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s