Don’t Even…

Attempt to drink coffee, put on lip stick, or mascara while riding as a passenger in a vehicle with my husband….

I don’t know why, but for some reason I completely forget past experiences like this while riding with him.

We both drive new mustangs andΒ  love driving fast. Here’s the thing though, my husband has the testosterone, alpha dog syndrome, road rage, and let’s face it, he’s a dick. Oh, no worries, I’m not talking behind his back….he references himself as a dick. He’s proud of it. He’s a New Yorker, ahem, let me pronounce that for ya….New Yuka….You know the guys that say “Fugetta bout it” well that’s my hubby.

We live in the Atlanta area and if you’ve ever been to Atlanta you understand traffic is horrendous here. Just yesterday we were on the road and the hubby was driving. I was drinking my delicious caramel macchiato and he is slamming on the brakes or swerving around slow moving vehicles. The macchiato winds up dripping down my chin while all along he’s yelling at the “fuck faces” that don’t know how to drive.

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I ask him….”Have you ever thought that you could actually be one of the fuck faces? Why does this shit happen every time I ride somewhere with you? I can’t put on lipstick, mascara or drink anything while you’re fucking driving, you realize that right? Slow the fuck down?!?!” I mean, it’s like impossible to drive fast in grid lock traffic. I get it, on the back roads when it’s not bumper to bumper that’s when you work out the cob webs under the hood for Christ Sake’s!

Is it just me or does anyone else have a spouse, friend, relative that you hate to ride with? No, I’m not the perfect driver, but at least I’m mindful of the person riding with me! It’s all about the hubby when he’s driving. He thinks he’s the perfect driver and like I ask him all of the time, if you are the perfect driver then why the fuck aren’t you a Nascar driver and why aren’t we fucking rich?

His Answer: Dead Air

Thanks for letting me vent loves!

Yours Truly, Macchiatto Chin

 

 

 

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20 comments

  1. John W. Howell · March 5

    I’ve seen those guys end up in the ditch. Let’s hope not.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just Joan · March 5

    Yep, I know the type. Me, on the other hand? I drive prematurely like an old lady… (the Fuck Face he swerves around, most likely). I’m so used to transporting unbelted dogs in the car that I never stomp the brakes or take turns too fast. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · March 6

      Ha! I used to be the same way with my dog….he wouldn’t call anyone a fuck face with a pup in the car….thank goodness he’s not the devil πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. 2loud2oldmusic · March 6

    My wife hates riding with me I am sure. I curse at everyone and I talk to them like they can hear me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kevin · March 6

    What’s that old saying? If you don’t know who the sucker is, then it is you. Same with driving…if you think everyone else is an asshole driver, then you are the asshole driver. Besides, Atlanta’s traffic jams are nothing compared to Seattle’s.

    Like

  5. what sandra thinks · March 6

    Did you write this about my husband??? Seriously… “He thinks he’s the perfect driver” — that is exactly how my husband is. Although, I admit, I do a lot more of the “fucking moron” ranting when I drive. 😏

    I have a dirty mouth. Which I am proud of.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · March 6

      So I’m not alone? You suffer from it as well? It does make the ride a little entertaining at times I have to say. It’s taken me years to learn this vocabulary…I’ve worked hard to be this sarcastic and filthy LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Most of the UK’s road network has what you guys would judge as back roads.
    If by some chance I ended up driving a car in the US the likelihood is some law officer would be called out to investigate the stationary car that appears to have someone hiding underneath it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. K E Garland · March 6

    Ha! I’m that person, well, not anymore, but I used to be the person that no one wanted to ride with because I weave in and out of traffic and cuss everybody out. I grew up in Chicago watching my dad swerve to the right and dart off before the light changed lol. I like to think I’ve gotten better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · March 6

      Bet you have gotten better seeing as you’ve got the kids πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

      • K E Garland · March 6

        Oh no girl…I got better after I lived in GA for 2 years…the police there do not play (as I’m sure you know)…didn’t live in ATL…lived in Middle GA where the cops look like TV stereotypes

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lennon Carlyle · March 6

        πŸ˜‚ You are correct the southern states do not play!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Too funny and I felt right at home. My hubby is from TN and he drives like that, too. He did used to drive in stock car races way before I knew him. He’s retired now and should not need to be in that big of a hurry, but he always drives like he is and it makes me insane! I feel for you, girl…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. John Fioravanti · March 19

    Oh, my… I’m still laughing at those cartoons, Lennon – I don’t always say those things, but I think them! I have to admit that I do drive carefully these days – I feel my mortality.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · March 19

      Thrilled to give you a laugh John! Driving safely is the intelligent thing to do 😌

      Liked by 1 person

      • John Fioravanti · March 19

        Hey, I’m grateful, Lennon! I used to drive like a maniac. Dumb… dumb… dumb. It’s a miracle I didn’t kill myself or anyone else.

        Liked by 1 person

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