Hump Day Shenanigans

Sigh…..this hump day shenanigans is a bit more personal….no fear, it will still be funny (I hope?) I’m beginning to run out of ideas so why not share something from my past right?

It was 1988 and I was sixteen years old. I was on my third date with Todd. My curfew was 10:30 pm and it was a Friday night. I decided to invite him in after our date.

I had already asked my Dad and Step Mom if it would be OK…My Step Mom Dottie assured me that they would be tucked away in bed by 10:30. This way I would have the living room all to myself to watch Less Than Zero. I had gotten the VHS tape for my birthday that year. It had the best sex scene ever in it with Andrew McCarthy and Jami Gertz in a hallway hiking up her skirt. It also had Robert Downey, Jr. in it. This would guarantee a serious make out session. By the way, if you’ve never seen the movie, I strongly suggest watching it, it’s one of my favorites from the eighties…

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Make Out Session in my 16 year old mind was: French Kissing, Ass Grabbing and maybe allowing him to touch my tits. That was making out to me. I had only kissed one boy before and I was ready to take it to the next step which I thought was very serious.

As I unlocked the door and Todd followed me into the house there was one lamp on in the living room and all of the other lights were out. I put my finger over my lips…”Shhh” I had to check to see if I could hear anyone breathing or talking in the house. Not a peep.

We scurried aroundΒ  getting the movie going and piled up on the sofa and cut out the lamp. The only light on was the flashing of the scenes for Less Than Zero. We were under a blanket cuddled up kissing within seconds. I couldn’t believe it….I was actually finally going to make out with this cute, tall, dark and handsome boy that was popular and drove a really cool 1965 red Chevy pick up truck. He was different because he would open the door for me, bring meΒ  some sort of flower every time he picked me up from his Mom’s garden and called me sweetheart with his deep southern laid back voice. I really, really liked him a lot.

Within a few minutes he had manged to unhook my bra and I was in the moment. He tasted like sweet peppermint and smelled like Drakar…….

Suddenly I heard a door open and a thump, thump, thump down the hallway. Who was it? My little sister didn’t walk that hard and neither did my Step Mom…..it was dark and I couldn’t see who was coming in….Our living room, dining room and kitchen were all open for an entertaining floor plan. No closed doors in any of those rooms. It seemed like it took forever because Todd’s hand had stopped creeping around to my chest and he seemed frozen and in shock like me. I think both of our hearts stopped beating. Whoever was coming could clearly see us bundled up on the sofa from the Less Than Zero movie putting a spotlight on our frightened faces….

It was DAD. My Dad was thumping along into the kitchen in his tight white underwear and nothing else on. My Dad was close to 400 lbs back then and he turned towards the refrigerator and opened it which put the spotlight on his very large belly and furry back. He stood staring into the fridge scratching his ass trying to decide what he was going to devour. Meanwhile Todd whispers “Is that your Dad? Why isn’t he wearing any clothes??? He looks like a grizzly bear…” Before I could answer him my Dad bends down to pick up something out of the fridge and lets out a nasty loud ass fart.

Todd jumps up throws the blanket on the floor and says “I gotta go. See you tomorrow.” He runs out of my house as fast as possible and my Dad turns to look at me with the gallon of chocolate milk in his hand and says “Hope he didn’t leave on account of me Darlin'”

Me: “Are you fucking kidding me Dad? Dottie told you to go to bed and she promised me ya’ll would leave me alone so I could have the living room for me and Todd!!!!”

Dad: “Darlin, you know Dottie falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow and I’m not going to let you sit in here with a fuckwad taking advantage of you. You know me better than that. Nighty Night, sleep tight, see you in the morning.”

He waddled down the hall back to their room and shut the door.

Nope, Todd never asked me out again and I didn’t even get felt up. So much for my big make out session.

Thanks A lot Dad!

Leaving you all with this iconic song from the Less Than Zero soundtrack. Have a great hump day loves!

 

 

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31 comments

  1. Jim · July 27, 2016

    ha ha! now that was funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. T. Wayne · July 27, 2016

    Great story! Have a great day, friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sonofabeach96 · July 27, 2016

    Dads will be dads. I’m glad I have all boys. πŸ˜ƒ

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ladieswholunchreviews · July 27, 2016

    Very cute! Perhaps your dad could have been a little more subtle!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Morgan Mills · July 27, 2016

    Haha wow, that’s great! What a dad! πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jonathan · July 27, 2016

    That’s funny πŸ™‚ Of course now I’m wondering what they hell I’m going to do with my own daughters…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Meg Sorick · July 27, 2016

    So funny! Perfect hump day shenanigans!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. what sandra thinks · July 27, 2016

    Wow… that was funny… but I don’t think I’d have ever spoken to my dad again! Ooh… and I loved that movie!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. socialbridge · July 27, 2016

    Fathers and daughters!!!
    Whatever became of Todd?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Lady G · July 27, 2016

    Oh my God that was funny as hell! Sounds like something my Dad would do! Loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Woebegone but Hopeful · July 28, 2016

    Well that sounds like a very much planned Dad strategy.
    My girls never brought boys around when I was at home (I couldn’t help it if my smile was slightly unhinged in those days).
    One lad came to visit one day, he was 6′ + and sturdy (I’m 5’7″), I wondered why he was nervous; might have had something to do with my daughter being three months pregnant (college y’know). They’re still together.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. kimboxin · July 29, 2016

    Oh my Gawd! I’m laughing so hard, Lennon! 1). I never knew this song was from this soundtrack. 2). This is exactly why I had my dates drop me off early. We just used the extra time to make out in my date’s truck. Yep…always a truck! Gotta love the South.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · July 29, 2016

      Obviously you were smarter than I was LOL I made out in trucks too but I wanted that movie on so bad. Many more Dad / Dating stories to share. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Pingback: TMI… Awards Edition | LadiesWhoLunchReviews,etc
    • Lennon Carlyle · July 30, 2016

      Awe, I love all of these things about you. I can tell you’re a giver and I love that you care so much about others. Thanks for the shout out too Doll! Enjoy your Saturday. I’m digging the nominations too! Great blogs!

      Like

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