A Shituation…

Warning: This is definitely not ladylike and it might be disgusting to read for some of you…Yep, you’ve been warned.

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Ever had that rumbling and thunder in your tummy? If you’re saying no or shaking your head – YOU LIE!

We were on our way home a few weeks ago from eating Chinese food and I was driving. My hubby all of a sudden says “Uh Oh”. Me: “What’s wrong?” He says “Kung Pow! Kung Pow! I’m about to have an Assplosion!” I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.  We flew home and he made it just in time.

Tonight we went out for crab legs and on the way home my tummy started singing heavy metal rock…..two miles from the house I started unbuttoning my pants. I began chanting “please don’t let me shit my pants” as my hubby was laughing his ass off.

Needless to say I found the best seat in the house…might I add poo-pourri vanilla mint is amazing! You never smell poop if you have this ready & accessible.

I often text my best friend when I’m pooping. I mean when else can I use this little 💩 emoji?

By the way, don’t snub your nose at this blog because you know you poop…everyone poops! There’s a book named Everyone Poops in fact. So there.

I’m happy to say I’ve never shit my pants…I’m sure the day will come but I hope it’s when I’m much older and in a nursing home.

I wonder if any of you have bathroom phobias? I cannot use a bathroom if someone else is in it. Example: I’m at the movies and need to go but there are people in the other stalls and I can hear them. Nope, I can’t do it. It grosses me out to think someone else is relieving themselves in the same room with me. I don’t want to hear urination or pooping going on. It’s freaky to me.

So here’s the thing….when someone tries to intimidate me or act like they’re better than me I imagine them shitting their pants and it makes me feel better.

Got any funny poop stories or bathroom phobias? Do share!

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18 comments

  1. sonofabeach96 · February 26, 2016

    Now, that’s funny! My streak is intact as well. And like you, I hope it’s a loonnnngggg time before that streak is broken. I don’t necessarily have bathroom stories, but I’ve got a bunch about potty training these boys. That was a f$&@ing chore!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · February 26, 2016

      I can only imagine the potty training….I don’t have kids so no clue on that but I’m sure the struggle is real 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dr Meg Sorick · February 26, 2016

    Hilarious! A funny bathroom story? Traveling in Italy: some bathrooms are unisex. I was in the stall peeing and when I finished and came out to wash hands, there was a guy waiting to go. He went right in and peed while I washed my hands. It was totally weird for me but not for him apparently!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jonathan · February 26, 2016

    OMG – I was on-site with work, and woke up with (I’m guessing) food poisoning from something I ate at the station on the way. I went to the supermarket across the road that morning, and bought all kinds of medication – for the first time ever – and you know what… it worked. Thankfully…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · February 26, 2016

      Food poisoning is the worst EVER. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, miserable. At least you got medication quickly!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. bensbitterblog · February 26, 2016

    I have the worst digestion ever. If you’ve ever heard Louis CK’s stand up on the matter,he’s like I don’t stop when I’m full, I stop when I hate myself. And doctor asks if he poops regularly and he said every poop is an emergency. Very familiar.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · February 26, 2016

      Ha!!! We love to eat too…hence the Raging D LOL

      Like

      • bensbitterblog · February 26, 2016

        I don’t know how people that don’t like to eat survive. Literally or figuratively. Eating is the best!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lennon Carlyle · February 26, 2016

        Exactly! Preach Bitter Ben 😀

        Like

      • bensbitterblog · February 26, 2016

        As one that will be going out later for pizza, and then getting a stomach ache from it, I am a world renown expert.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lennon Carlyle · February 26, 2016

        I know right? We’re having pizza & beer and playing cards with my Aunt & Uncle..a buzz & pizza isn’t always a good combo

        Like

      • bensbitterblog · February 26, 2016

        But Friday and Pizza are always a good combo.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. A Pondering Mind · February 26, 2016

    You gotta go, you gotta. Shitting waits for noone. Does that make any sense?

    Liked by 1 person

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