Warning: This is definitely not ladylike and it might be disgusting to read for some of you…Yep, you’ve been warned.
Ever had that rumbling and thunder in your tummy? If you’re saying no or shaking your head – YOU LIE!
We were on our way home a few weeks ago from eating Chinese food and I was driving. My hubby all of a sudden says “Uh Oh”. Me: “What’s wrong?” He says “Kung Pow! Kung Pow! I’m about to have an Assplosion!” I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. We flew home and he made it just in time.
Tonight we went out for crab legs and on the way home my tummy started singing heavy metal rock…..two miles from the house I started unbuttoning my pants. I began chanting “please don’t let me shit my pants” as my hubby was laughing his ass off.
Needless to say I found the best seat in the house…might I add poo-pourri vanilla mint is amazing! You never smell poop if you have this ready & accessible.
I often text my best friend when I’m pooping. I mean when else can I use this little 💩 emoji?
By the way, don’t snub your nose at this blog because you know you poop…everyone poops! There’s a book named Everyone Poops in fact. So there.
I’m happy to say I’ve never shit my pants…I’m sure the day will come but I hope it’s when I’m much older and in a nursing home.
I wonder if any of you have bathroom phobias? I cannot use a bathroom if someone else is in it. Example: I’m at the movies and need to go but there are people in the other stalls and I can hear them. Nope, I can’t do it. It grosses me out to think someone else is relieving themselves in the same room with me. I don’t want to hear urination or pooping going on. It’s freaky to me.
So here’s the thing….when someone tries to intimidate me or act like they’re better than me I imagine them shitting their pants and it makes me feel better.
Got any funny poop stories or bathroom phobias? Do share!