Ranting About Annoying Shit

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I work with a chic that constantly says “Can I axe you something?” Come on! You’re 35 years old and hear other people pronounce “Ask” the correct way…can you hear yourself?

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It’s 70 mph here on this interstate! Why the fuck are driving 50???

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Yes…of course I know not everyone swears like I do. I can respect that BUT it does make me fucking uncomfortable because I have to respect you not swearing by not swearing. It’s painful for me…just sayin…

That’s it for today. I’m sure something will annoy me this week to rant about. I’m positive all of you loves will be waiting with baited breath for that post. Ha! 😀

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A Shituation…

Warning: This is definitely not ladylike and it might be disgusting to read for some of you…Yep, you’ve been warned.

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Ever had that rumbling and thunder in your tummy? If you’re saying no or shaking your head – YOU LIE!

We were on our way home a few weeks ago from eating Chinese food and I was driving. My hubby all of a sudden says “Uh Oh”. Me: “What’s wrong?” He says “Kung Pow! Kung Pow! I’m about to have an Assplosion!” I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.  We flew home and he made it just in time.

Tonight we went out for crab legs and on the way home my tummy started singing heavy metal rock…..two miles from the house I started unbuttoning my pants. I began chanting “please don’t let me shit my pants” as my hubby was laughing his ass off.

Needless to say I found the best seat in the house…might I add poo-pourri vanilla mint is amazing! You never smell poop if you have this ready & accessible.

I often text my best friend when I’m pooping. I mean when else can I use this little 💩 emoji?

By the way, don’t snub your nose at this blog because you know you poop…everyone poops! There’s a book named Everyone Poops in fact. So there.

I’m happy to say I’ve never shit my pants…I’m sure the day will come but I hope it’s when I’m much older and in a nursing home.

I wonder if any of you have bathroom phobias? I cannot use a bathroom if someone else is in it. Example: I’m at the movies and need to go but there are people in the other stalls and I can hear them. Nope, I can’t do it. It grosses me out to think someone else is relieving themselves in the same room with me. I don’t want to hear urination or pooping going on. It’s freaky to me.

So here’s the thing….when someone tries to intimidate me or act like they’re better than me I imagine them shitting their pants and it makes me feel better.

Got any funny poop stories or bathroom phobias? Do share!

Wentworth

Warning: If you suffer from homophobia do not read any further. Also, if you’re under the age of 18 please stop reading.

If you’re looking for something new, adventurous, thrilling, dramatic, suspenseful, and sexy this show is all of those things and much much more. If you’re a fan of Orange Is The New Black you’ll love this. I actually prefer Wentworth over OITNB….gasp, I know. It’s that fucking good.

Wentworth is an Australian female prison which has quite a bit of corruption, sex, politics, and violence. The characters are addicting. They’re fucking brilliant! These actors and actresses make you feel serious emotions of what they’re going through. Although the majority of the women in the prison have committed wicked horrific crimes you feel empathy for them after flash backs of their lives and what they’ve been through or possibly the real reason they committed the crimes.

I live in the US and found it on Netflix. So far there’s been three seasons offered and I’ve stayed up all hours of the night watching them back to back. The fourth season is due out in April this year but will take a while to hit the US on Netflix unfortunately.

For now I have to watch the series over again as I miss these characters. I’m attached to them as if they’re real people. I wait with baited breath for Season four.

Let me tell you this…. It makes Orange Is The New Black look like something from Nickelodeon or The Disney Channel. Do not watch this around your kids please.

I’ve posted a teasing clip of the show below.

Again, if you’re homophobic don’t watch it. No hate comments either please.

And you’re welcome!