No Kids? Why???

Questions I hear often….

1.) How many kids do you have?

2.) When are you going to have a baby?

3.) You can adopt!

4.) Why don’t you have kids?

5.) You were meant to breed.

6.) You’re going to hell because you didn’t reproduce. God made women so they could have children.

Yes, I’ve heard it all before and a lot more. You wouldn’t believe the things that come out of people’s mouths. It’s almost as if I’m not human or I’m some type of creature that they’ve never seen before.

I believe there are many people that choose to not have children. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I absolutely love children. I love spoiling them, taking them to the movies, buying them toys, clothes, etc. I have nieces and nephews that I completely adore. I would give my life for them.

But, my first marriage winded up being a fucking train wreck. That’s another blog later on. Why would I have a baby with a dysfunctional selfish prick? I remember a few people told me that if we’d have a baby that our marriage would survive and things would totally change. Seriously, they told me that. If I would’ve been stupid and naive enough to do that I would’ve had to look at his face the rest of my fucking life. Nope, I’ll pass.

Children are a gift by all means. I can imagine how magical it is to hold your new baby boy or baby girl in your arms after giving birth. But I can also imagine the tearing of your vagina, he or she screaming it’s head off and now having to teach that beautiful baby to suck your nipple to get milk. None of this appealed to me whatsoever. I just never had that yearning of having a baby, I mean EVER.

First reason why I have no children……

1.) I used to babysit when I was a teenager and I was keeping two little girls…ages probably 5 and 7 and they were adorable. They had cute little bows in their hair and were blonde and blue eyed. I played barbies with them and fixed them dinner. It was fun, UNTIL they both decided to pull butcher knives out of the kitchen drawers and chase me all over the fucking house screaming they were going to kill me. No joke, this is a true story. My Mom had dropped me off as I was around 13 years old and wasn’t driving yet. We lived about 2 miles down the road. I ran so fast home and when I got inside and explained what had happened to my Mom she immediately went to their house and filled in for me. Of course there were no knives and they were so cute and adorable and she saw no signs of demon children whatsoever. It was almost as if I had made the whole thing up.

 

2.) My Mom and Dad weren’t present a lot in mine or my brother’s childhood. They were divorced by the time I was 9 years old. My brother being 3 years younger than me. Once they divorced it was all about them. My Mom worked a lot. She had to provide for us. She would also slip away with her boyfriends for a few weeks on trips and leave us to fend for ourselves. My Dad, was a workaholic and had a few hobbies. One being women. So, I had to take care of my younger brother a lot. When we were teenagers he went off course a bit. Drinking, running away, juvenile homes, etc. I felt like I had failed as a “Parent” raising him and felt horrible that I didn’t take better care of him or discipline him enough. I blamed myself and still do to some extent.

3.) Life can be cruel. You can be handed a bad card at life that’s for sure. I worried that if I had a child that I might not be able to provide everything that I would want them to have. I also worried about my heart breaking if something should happen to them. I have a huge heart and thought if I had a child and anyone ever said one harsh thing to them or hurt them in any way that I would snap and lose it and kill someone over my child.

4.) A few years ago I had to have a hysterectomy due to medical issues so now I’m tapped out.

I often find it strange that someone that you hardly know just point blanks asks you how many kids do you have? Why don’t you have any? It’s like they’re asking “What’s wrong with you?” What if someone has been trying to have children for years and is unable to. That could really hurt them by hearing these questions. I just don’t understand why it’s anyone’s business if we have kids or not. It’s just like someone asking “Are you gay or straight?” How is that anyone’s business either? Would someone want me to ask them “Do you prefer doggy style or missionary style?” That’s such a private and personable question and why would you ever ask these things???

I’m lacking a filter in most cases of life with my mouth. What comes up normally comes out. But, when it comes to private and personal things that could hurt someone or make them feel uncomfortable or is none of my fucking business, I think before I ask or say things.

Those of you that have children hold them close and never take them for granted. Spend as much time as you can with them and tell them that you love them. It molds them and you are setting the example of how to be a parent. Their lives depend on you and depending on how this whole thing plays out determines on what type of parents they’ll be and if they even have children. I do think because of the way my parents handled us is the reason why I don’t have children.

But, on a positive note here, I turned out pretty damn good. I’m an excellent Aunt and I have a beautiful blessed life.

So there… 🙂

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34 comments

  1. Tish Wolfsong · November 20, 2015

    Well said, Lennon. 🙂
    There’s another angle too … this planet doesn’t need any more humans decimating it. (Personal opinion).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. stephellaneous · November 20, 2015

    with you on this

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bensbitterblog · November 20, 2015

    Regardless, people DO NOT have a right to ask you those questions. People used to ask us that when we were young married and childless and it was painful question because we wanted them but couldn’t have them. People just were so rude about it. We finally got two but through fertility and adoption (both expensive) and I just hate when people think it is their business to know.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lennon Carlyle · November 20, 2015

      Thanks Ben…for reading & commenting. So happy you did have your two children. That’s so fantastic. 😉

      Like

      • bensbitterblog · November 21, 2015

        Yep they are great kids. But I also respect all your reasons for not having them and everyone that keeps asking can buzz off!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. socialbridge · November 21, 2015

    Lennon, this is such a powerful and touching post.
    I guess you won’t be surprised to hear that within a year or so of having our only child, the questions started about a little brother or sister. It was horrible, horrible
    Hadn’t thought about it for a while until reading your post but those questions were among the most upsetting of my life. I think those who have a few kids, who ask such questions, just take the whole process for granted.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · November 21, 2015

      Awe, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I’m amazed at how many of you that have children understand my feelings with this. Thank you my sweet friend!

      Like

      • socialbridge · November 21, 2015

        My pleasure (if that’s that’s the word), Lennon. I was only thinking afterwards what a brilliant aunt you must make and I have quite a thing about brilliant aunts, having had a few who were beyond wonderful in terms of their love, encouragement and listening ears.

        Like

  5. Pingback: Counting Blessings | SOCIAL BRIDGE
  6. elementhealing · November 22, 2015

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with making the choice to not have children. It’s a personal choice. I’ve seen many women that should never have had children but did because “that’s whst you do” well no it’s not!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Lennon Carlyle · November 22, 2015

    Thank you so much! I really appreciate you reading and commenting. Hoping you have a fantastic Sunday my friend!

    Like

  8. Lennon Carlyle · May 22, 2016

    Reblogged this on Fabulous With Glitches and commented:

    Another Older One…

    Like

  9. sonofabeach96 · May 22, 2016

    I don’t think you have to explain shit! You don’t have kids and didnt want any, doesn’t matter why and its really nobody’s business. I do have kids, and wanted them. I parent accordingly. But that doesn’t mean I’m any better or worse than someone who doesn’t have any, and vice versa. It’s a choice to have them, not an obligation. And, believe, some days, I’m so jealous of my friends that don’t have any. They’re free. I’m tethered. They travel when they want, we travel when they’re out of school. They have expendable cash for fun, I spend all mine on them. Yes, I love my kids, they’re a blessing, and I wouldn’t trade them or this journey for anything. But I totally get not wanting this trip. And a trip it certainly is. Besides, I’d someone doesn’t really want any, its best if they don’t have them. It’s more than even the most ardent of parents can even fathom, work and effort and patience wise. If you really don’t want em and then have to deal with all that it entails? That’s a recipe for all involved to be miserable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · May 22, 2016

      Agreed 1,000% – I have no doubt you’re an amazing Dad! I would’ve loved to have had a Dad like you. I can tell you love life, your wife and your precious boys and it shows in your blog! Thank you my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

      • sonofabeach96 · May 22, 2016

        Don’t let the Baby Nazi’s bring ya down, man. Like I said, it’s none of their business. You be you. Anybody that doesn’t like it can fuck off directly. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · May 22, 2016

      By the way, it’s been killing me for months now, what is your name? I just read your about and it’s not listed. Is it a secret?

      Liked by 1 person

      • sonofabeach96 · May 22, 2016

        Nah, it’s not a secret. Just when I started doing this, I didn’t really know what to expect, ya know? So, I tried to be as anonymous as possible, and still prefer that I am to the masses. But, to y’all that I converse with and trust? No worries. I’m Tony, Tee, Sweet-T (what my wife uses), Ton-Loc. Any of those are common and completely acceptable. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lennon Carlyle · May 22, 2016

        I love Ton-Loc! Sweet-T is the cutest! I call my hubby Sugar Bear, shhhh, he’s private about that and gets embarrassed. LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      • sonofabeach96 · May 22, 2016

        Hahaha! Its a good thing to have someone call you Sugar Bear, or any other pet name. Tell he should be proud! 😃

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Mel (Hippo256) · May 22, 2016

    Well said! I have a post waiting in concepts about this topic too. Feels validating to see a likeminded post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · May 22, 2016

      Ooooohhhhh! Please let me know when you post it! I get behind on reading and I want to be the first to know! Thank you for stopping by and commenting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. T. Wayne · May 22, 2016

    You were meant to breed? REALLY? How could someone say something like that in public? SMH.

    Anyway, it is your decision what you do or don’t do in regards to having children. That should be the end of the matter there. While I have two stepdaughters that I love as my own (and I call them my daughters and we love each other unconditionally), I don’t have any biological children of my own. By choice-my ex asked whether I wanted to have another child, and as the girls were both very young when we first got together and money was an issue at the start, I said no. I don’t regret saying it either.

    And as it worked out, I got two beautiful girls who think of me as dad. Whether I was biological dad or not.

    I don’t believe I was following you when you originally wrote this one, but I really like it. It’s you, speaking your mind. It’s what I love about your blog. You rock, girl!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · May 22, 2016

      Thank You T! I didn’t know you had two step daughters. I’m positive they adore you. They’re lucky to have you. And yes, here in the south they’re very blunt and some can be harsh and ignorant with their words.

      Liked by 1 person

      • T. Wayne · May 22, 2016

        Yes I do…I’ve walked one down the aisle already! We try to have dinner once a month together; we just had dinner the other night in fact!

        You’re welcome, friend!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Woebegone but Hopeful · May 23, 2016

    We were meant to breed? (As you in the US say, I love this) ‘OH please!!’
    Yeh and we were also meant to hunt- so do you see folks going out of the house in the morning armed with sharp implements ‘Dad’ in the lead and ‘Mom’ explaining to the kids (again), and then the family run down the nearest animal, slaughter it, and cheerful munch away on the nearest patch of grass…well I know it might get hits on YouTube, but all the same……
    Rant done (I rant a lot I do)
    Kids are very, very hard work and happily in ‘The West’ we have the option not to, and if you are not ‘wired’ in that direction- so what? There are quite a few around, so you’re not letting Society down in any way.
    In final-ness, from reading your blogs I am certain that you are not doubt, indefatigably, a FUN aunt.
    Keep on keeping on being you.
    Roger

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lennon Carlyle · May 23, 2016

      Yes, Breed. Like I’m an animal or something. Ignorant southern rednecks. Some of the things that spew from their mouths. Shaking my head. Thank you Roger! Now I know your name! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Woebegone but Hopeful · May 23, 2016

        Wow! There I was as ‘The Man With No Name’! without realising….ah well I never did care for cheroots!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. ramblingrabbitblog · March 19

    Comment number 6 is unbelievable! Great post though. You may enjoy my latest post: https://ramblingrabbitblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/18/the-child-free-a-z/

    Liked by 1 person

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