Questions I hear often….
1.) How many kids do you have?
2.) When are you going to have a baby?
3.) You can adopt!
4.) Why don’t you have kids?
5.) You were meant to breed.
6.) You’re going to hell because you didn’t reproduce. God made women so they could have children.
Yes, I’ve heard it all before and a lot more. You wouldn’t believe the things that come out of people’s mouths. It’s almost as if I’m not human or I’m some type of creature that they’ve never seen before.
I believe there are many people that choose to not have children. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I absolutely love children. I love spoiling them, taking them to the movies, buying them toys, clothes, etc. I have nieces and nephews that I completely adore. I would give my life for them.
But, my first marriage winded up being a fucking train wreck. That’s another blog later on. Why would I have a baby with a dysfunctional selfish prick? I remember a few people told me that if we’d have a baby that our marriage would survive and things would totally change. Seriously, they told me that. If I would’ve been stupid and naive enough to do that I would’ve had to look at his face the rest of my fucking life. Nope, I’ll pass.
Children are a gift by all means. I can imagine how magical it is to hold your new baby boy or baby girl in your arms after giving birth. But I can also imagine the tearing of your vagina, he or she screaming it’s head off and now having to teach that beautiful baby to suck your nipple to get milk. None of this appealed to me whatsoever. I just never had that yearning of having a baby, I mean EVER.
First reason why I have no children……
1.) I used to babysit when I was a teenager and I was keeping two little girls…ages probably 5 and 7 and they were adorable. They had cute little bows in their hair and were blonde and blue eyed. I played barbies with them and fixed them dinner. It was fun, UNTIL they both decided to pull butcher knives out of the kitchen drawers and chase me all over the fucking house screaming they were going to kill me. No joke, this is a true story. My Mom had dropped me off as I was around 13 years old and wasn’t driving yet. We lived about 2 miles down the road. I ran so fast home and when I got inside and explained what had happened to my Mom she immediately went to their house and filled in for me. Of course there were no knives and they were so cute and adorable and she saw no signs of demon children whatsoever. It was almost as if I had made the whole thing up.
2.) My Mom and Dad weren’t present a lot in mine or my brother’s childhood. They were divorced by the time I was 9 years old. My brother being 3 years younger than me. Once they divorced it was all about them. My Mom worked a lot. She had to provide for us. She would also slip away with her boyfriends for a few weeks on trips and leave us to fend for ourselves. My Dad, was a workaholic and had a few hobbies. One being women. So, I had to take care of my younger brother a lot. When we were teenagers he went off course a bit. Drinking, running away, juvenile homes, etc. I felt like I had failed as a “Parent” raising him and felt horrible that I didn’t take better care of him or discipline him enough. I blamed myself and still do to some extent.
3.) Life can be cruel. You can be handed a bad card at life that’s for sure. I worried that if I had a child that I might not be able to provide everything that I would want them to have. I also worried about my heart breaking if something should happen to them. I have a huge heart and thought if I had a child and anyone ever said one harsh thing to them or hurt them in any way that I would snap and lose it and kill someone over my child.
4.) A few years ago I had to have a hysterectomy due to medical issues so now I’m tapped out.
I often find it strange that someone that you hardly know just point blanks asks you how many kids do you have? Why don’t you have any? It’s like they’re asking “What’s wrong with you?” What if someone has been trying to have children for years and is unable to. That could really hurt them by hearing these questions. I just don’t understand why it’s anyone’s business if we have kids or not. It’s just like someone asking “Are you gay or straight?” How is that anyone’s business either? Would someone want me to ask them “Do you prefer doggy style or missionary style?” That’s such a private and personable question and why would you ever ask these things???
I’m lacking a filter in most cases of life with my mouth. What comes up normally comes out. But, when it comes to private and personal things that could hurt someone or make them feel uncomfortable or is none of my fucking business, I think before I ask or say things.
Those of you that have children hold them close and never take them for granted. Spend as much time as you can with them and tell them that you love them. It molds them and you are setting the example of how to be a parent. Their lives depend on you and depending on how this whole thing plays out determines on what type of parents they’ll be and if they even have children. I do think because of the way my parents handled us is the reason why I don’t have children.
But, on a positive note here, I turned out pretty damn good. I’m an excellent Aunt and I have a beautiful blessed life.
So there… 🙂