Makin’ Or Breakin’ Me

Do you ever have a moment where you feel like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be?

I’m not talking about that client meeting or that doctor’s appointment. I’m referencing that jolt in your brain and heart where you feel banded, packaged, and ready for shipment.

You see, my upbringing was decent but lacking in many factors. Sure, I had parents that loved me and tried very hard to be suitable.

But, there were a few misfires……

My Mom constantly met multiple men that were “The One” and would disappear for a few weeks and leave myself and younger brother to fend for ourselves. I think the first time I was ten years old and my brother seven. Way too damn young to be left alone for days or weeks. My Mom and Dad were divorced and he had a lot of important things going on in his life like work, guns, and women.

They carried medical and dental insurance on themselves but dropped mine when I turned fifteen. I had a part time job so that meant I could pay for my lunches at school, dental cleaning, doctor’s appointments, etc. in their eyes.

My Dad tried to break me a few times. What I mean by that is compare me to my Mom and tell me things like “You’re just like your Mom, a whore, you’re never going to make it or be anything more.” The next day he would tell me he loved me and how proud he was of me. I swear to this day he had split personalities or something. Those words…..you never forget them.

I read a quote today, “Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.” When I read this I had that moment of clarity. Sometimes we go through some heartbreaking junctures in life. Because of the misfires in my life it didn’t break me. It made me. I’m a natural born hustler. People tend to follow my direction. When I say hustler I mean “Bitches get shit done.” My work ethic is solid and whatever goals I set for myself, I make it happen. I’m in control of my dreams, aspirations, and anything I fucking want. All of us were born to make an impact. So, go out and get your dreams people! Don’t let anyone break you. Remember, you’re unbreakable just like me.

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20 comments

  1. ananonymousoutsider · October 23, 2015

    This is like a mirror image of my life. Disconcerting, really.

    I did a #LoveMe Challenge, I want to say it was Day 12, that is basically about this exact same thing. Action and reaction over generations and cycling through relationships.

    I absolutely love that quote “Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.” Do you remember where you found it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · October 23, 2015

      Thank you! I was just checking your blog out….WOAH! You are fantastic! I found that quote on Pinterest. I yearn for inspiration & motivation every morning so I check out Pinterest for a quick drive by 👍

      Liked by 1 person

      • ananonymousoutsider · October 23, 2015

        -blush- thank you. I really appreciate you reading. 🙂

        I’ve never gotten into Pinterest… But given that I just fell down the blogging rabbit hole, I should probably do it one at a time. Otherwise I’ll never get anything done lol.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. tessa tells all · October 23, 2015

    LC,

    i am so proud of you for writing this. You are a testament to strength. You were born a survivor. I am grateful to have such a force of nature…such a badass bitch as one of my friends.
    Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.
    All my love,
    Tess

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lennon Carlyle · October 23, 2015

      Bowing…..you inspire me sweet friend! We bad ass bitches stick together – Hugs! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wendy · October 23, 2015

    You used that experience to shape your own way. That’s awesome. Using adversity like exercise equipment just makes you stronger. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Words from The B · October 25, 2015

    I absolutely love this!!! No diamond’s true beauty is revealed without a few cuts. You are definitely a diamond.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lennon Carlyle · June 5, 2016

    Reblogged this on Fabulous With Glitches.

    Like

  6. socialbridge · June 5, 2016

    Great post, Lennon. So many would have been broken but you’ve overcome so much.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jim · June 5, 2016

    great post sweetie. parents can do some awfully f**ked up shit to their kids sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. sonofabeach96 · June 5, 2016

    I feel ya’ on this. Different in some ways, but the gist is the same. Mom always looking out for herself and her unicorn-of-a-knight-in-shining-armor and my dad absent, fleeing with his younger woman/stepmom. Shuttled and pawned, and made to be a pawn. Felt like I was the parent most times. It stops with me though. My kids can say what they want, but they know we are a stable and happy couple, they’re loved beyond measure, and I have their interest, and backs, as our primary focus. Great post. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lennon Carlyle · June 5, 2016

      No doubt you’re a fantastic father and probably because of the way you were raised or not raised for that matter. Thanks for reading and commenting. Seems like we have tons in common. Happy Sunday Tone!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Woebegone but Hopeful · June 6, 2016

    Battle on you brave warrior.

    Liked by 1 person

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