We often wonder in our minds “Are we good enough?” What makes us good enough?
All of us have a story don’t we? When I say a story, I mean something has went wrong, cracked our foundation, or shall I say, someone has wronged us and we feel damaged. The damages often make us resilient don’t you think?
Sometimes we blame ourselves for the damages, mental flaws, failures, etc. We psych ourselves out and think of ourselves as bruised….not good enough…Oh – but we are.
This post is uncomfortable for me to say the least. I’m having to pull some distasteful memories from my secret locker to share with you.
As a few of you know in my previous posts I’m somewhat a direct, iron-willed, sarcastic “In Yo Face” kinda chic. I’ve not always been this headstrong. I used to suffer from “Daddy Issues”.
I’ll spare you the details but he was a self righteous narcissist. Disappointing me and belittling me seemed to be his full time job. His anger took over him sometimes which made it tough on my little brother, Mom, and myself.
Swallowing the bitter pill daily of dealing with his moods I learned a lot from the experiences with my Dad. I’ve actually learned to forgive him and move on. He’s gotten a bit softer now and isn’t as harsh and selfish as he used to be.
Every now and then calls me after watching a movie or TV show and seeing an actress that reminds him of me. (Mostly Drew Barrymore) I so wish I looked like her. Dad needs to have his eyes checked. He’ll cry to me on the phone telling me about this movie or seeing her and thinking of me and wants to tell me he loves me. I do love him but I don’t need him. In his little mind he thinks he was a good father and that we’re close. He chooses to remember the good times and not the bad ones. I’m fine with that. Whatever gets you to sleep better at night Dad. Live and let live right?
He does not define me and never will he. We have many of the same traits as I’m outgoing, blunt, funny, personable, direct, a workaholic to some extent just like him. To be brutally honest he was just the sperm donor and made this bad ass blue eyed clumsy opinionated chic. It’s a warped relationship I have with him but I’ll take it and continue learning from it.
I’ll leave you with this beautiful song that I’ve always loved. “There’s more to me than you” by Jessica Andrews – Whether you have your own “Daddy Issues”, going through a break up, “Mommy Issues”, the list could go on….There is more to you than that person. This song is inspiring and can get you through some tough times. After hearing it I think it will help you hold your beautiful face up towards the sun and know that you are so worthy of happiness.